Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Original Sports Musings Atlanta Office Undamaged

It is with good cheer that I can report today that the Atlanta Office of Original Sports Musings was undamaged during the recent rains that flooded a large part of downtown and surrounding area.

The rain also did not impede this sports musers attendance to a local watering hole to enjoy The Sunday Buffet of football. I had the pleasure of spending Sunday Afternoon at TJ's. AN establishment with an extreme cheesiness to it. For this bar is actually a Packers Bar. I am pretty sure every former resident of Wisconsin who calls themselves a Cheesehead was sitting around tables ready to boo Ocho Cinco when he did his Lambeau leap 15 minutes outside the perimeter. Now some bullet points from the days football action.



1. Rodgers is the most popular Jersey



2. When the Pack scored they play dance music and a cougar gets on top of the bar and lifts her shirt to show a Packers Bikini.



3. Many pop songs have words redone to include two words Cheeseheads and/or Wisconsin...ala A rendition of Coolio's "Cheesheads Paridaise" believe me Weird Al would vomit after hearing any of these songs



4. After the Pack score people in the front row hold up dancing Bobbleheads that look like babies.



5. PackFans have tunnel vision with Purple. A Ray Lewis Jersey is not a Farve Jersey. As A drunk girls says to me, " Hope all those hits to Farves vagaina hurt." She apologizes later after she realizes her Faux Paux



6. The guy wearing the Mark Chimurra jersey is either to cheap or to stupid to get a new jersey to replace a player who molested his 15 year old daugthers friends. I wish TJ's would have passed around a hat or gotten this idiot a new jersey.



7. Polka Polka Polka!!!!



Tune in next time from the Atlanta office, where slices of Sports Americana will be served

Get to Know your Musers: Biff

after much anticipation....

Who are your favorite teams college and pro?

College: University of Illinois

NFL: Bears

MLB: Cubs

NBA: Bulls

Who is your one favorite sports team above all others and why?

Hmm…this is tough. It really depends on what season it is. I suppose if I had to pick I would say the Bears. Growing up where I did, football was far and away the biggest sport and the 85 Bears are likely the greatest team to ever play professional sports.

Who are the five women on your Celebrity Exemption list?

1) Marisa Miller

2) Selma Heyak

3) Halle Berry

4) Angelina Jolie

5) Scarlett Johannson

What's the worst thing you ever said to a woman?

Actually the worst was probably silence. I sucked at ending things….

What is your favorite sports moment?

Jordan over Russell to win the 98 NBA Finals. Watching that I had a feeling it would be the last time I saw him do that. It turned out to just be the last time in a Bulls uniform, but it was still quite a moment.

Most heartbreaking?

Bartman and the subsequent collapse

What team would you purposely wish harm upon because you hate them beyond all rational thinking?

Packers – what they did to McMahon will likely never be fully accounted for, no matter what happens to them.

What is your favorite movie quote?

“Mr. Madison, what you've just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.”

If Sports Musing Readers take away just one piece of knowledge from you, what do you want that to be?

There is always a trade off.

Friday, September 11, 2009

Eight Years / An Otherwise Quiet Morning

Has it really been eight years? I just can't believe it. I actually wrote the following poem three years ago on September 11, 2006, five years after losing him. I literally woke up and these words were written for me, following a period where I hadn't written anything in a long, long time. It's like I was finally able to say what I needed to say, to write what I needed to write, in order to pay my proper respects. It never gets any easier, though, and even today, it's still hard to think that I am now 30, and yet he will forever remain 23. 

And that is one of 2,993 reasons why I will never forget..........

An Otherwise Quiet Morning

Wiping tears from my eyes
after five years of flashbacks
from an otherwise quiet morning
I wonder if he got to work on time
If he thought of stepping away from his desk
To grab a muffin or a Mochachino
Or fuck, even a donut and coffee

I think about the elevators on any other day
Well-oiled machines seen as afterthoughts
in the ages of technology and convenience
only acknowledged when something goes wrong
such as a system outage or a fire,
the red button pushed and prodded to no avail
hopes fading as bodies instinctively shoot over to stairwells
or, in the most dire situations,
towards windows,
the lungs longing for a few more breaths
the oft-broken spirit searching for one – just one “I’ve worked too hard and too long for it to end like this” or “What will happen to my pregnant wife if I don’t get out of here?” or “I hope the last memory is not an argument that carried over from last night’s dinner” or “Fuck this shit I would rather jump and take a chance than stay here and let them beat me on their terms” – miracle.

I ponder the flickering feelings that may have crossed his mind:

Did he think of the ring he bought his girlfriend that remained in that special hiding place he carved out on the left-hand corner of his closet?

Did he picture his future as a loving great-grandfather showering three generations at Christmastime with love and laughs?

Did he look back on his past with fond memories of barbecues, baseball games, and graduations?

Or did he only have time for one fleeting thought:


Why?


Why?


Why?


Wiping tears from my eyes
after five years of flashbacks
from an otherwise quiet morning

Yes, there was an attack.
Yes, I want my friend back.

Tuesday, September 8, 2009

We Met Some Cougars

The most common question asked around the water cooler at www.originalsportsmusings.blogspot.com, outside of "is there going to be any nudity in 'Jennifer's Body'?" is "what are the chances of a College Football Playoff? The answer is always the same. Zero. Why? Because we've already had the unthinkable scenarios that would have brought about a playoff without producing a playoff. LSU beat Oklahoma and USC beat Michigan to produce the same split national championship that we would have had without the BCS. USC, Oklahoma and Auburn all finished the regular season undefeated, and USC and Auburn both won their bowl games. As #2 team after #2 team lost, a 2 loss LSU moved in to embarrass OSU for another title. Each of these was supposed to be "the BCS Nightmare" that would force a change to the system. None did.

But this year is just a little bit different. Most sportswriters, columnists, experts and schmucks with a blog (including the Hat) have already pencilled in Texas and Florida for a January date. But something happened this weekend that could change all of that. 25 years after they became the last non-BCS team to win a title, the BYU Cougars shocked Oklahoma. In the process, they became the first non-BCS team in the BCS era to open up a clear road to the National Title game.

BYU's got 2 more tough games on the schedule. But they've got a signature win over the #3 team in the country. Sure, Sam Bradford got hurt and left the game. But is OU's offense so dependent on him that we should blame the injury instead of crediting the Cougar D for holding Oklahoma to 13 points? Absolutely not. BYU played a hell of a game and deserves credit. And they may get it in spades.

Imagine for a moment that Florida or Texas (or both) stumble somewhere along the season. It's not unthinkable. UF was nipped at home last year by Ole Miss while Michael Crabtree and Graham Harrell sank Texas at buzzer. USC is due for its customary loss against a team its got outmatched (Oregon State this year), it's unlikely that anyone will run the Big 10 or the ACC and the Big East doesn't have a single team that deserves a BCS invite. Imagine for a moment that the Coaches and the Harris voters have an undefeated BYU, with 3 wins over ranked teams, at the top of the polls in early December. The Cougars wouldn't need a ton of love from the computers to get an invite to the title game.

And that my friends, that is the secret, final chance of a College Football Playoff. The lid stays on the playoff because the major conferences can't figure out how to make money off it. But if suddenly half the take from the title game is going to the piddly Mountain West Conference? You can be sure the powers that be will move to scrap the current system, or at least modify it to a plus 1 to prevent something "terrible" like this from ever happening again. Cincy running the table and playing an undefeated Miami team would be fine, because the money stays in the money conferences. But sharing with the red-headed stepchild of the Mountain West? You might as well ask the "Big 6" to contribute money to keeping the WNBA afloat. So if you're a fan of a playoff, or just don't like the current BCS structure, keep your eyes in the state of Utah. The Cougars are looking for some good young men.

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

A Day of Remembrance


It's been a full year. 1 year since the world lost its greatest voice. On September 1, 2008, the incomparable Don LaFontaine passed away. His work was known to millions all over the globe. His inspiration was indescribable. On the anniversary of his death, OSM takes pause, and invites all of our readers to share your favorite stories of the master - Don LaFontaine.

Monday, August 31, 2009

Who is Biff?


Never let it be said that OSM ignores requests from its readers. You have asked about the mysterious Biff. Biff is our leader. He is the driving force behind OSM. He's the Charlie to our Angels, the He-Man to our Masters of the Universe, the Cobra Commander to our nameless rabble who are sent out to fight for a cause they can barely understand. He is...on vacation this week. But fear not loyal reader(s). I know Biff. Biff is a friend of mine. And while you may not be Biff, I am confident that upon his return next week, Biff will post the greatest ever "Get to know a Muser," bringing back the joy to your day.

Thursday, August 27, 2009

What are we missing?


The Minnesota Vikings and the New York Jets both started the pre-season with a quarterback competition. Both now have their starting QBs. Brett Favre will take the snaps in the great white north while Mark Sanchez will suit up in East Rutherford. And that answers the question of who will start. But it leaves us with another question. What are these teams thinking?

If you watched Mark Sanchez play on Monday night then you saw him react like a rookie to pressure. His first pass was rushed, picked off and run back to the house for 6. His second pass hit Ray Lewis in the hands and should have gone for 6 more, but Lewis dropped the ball. Sanchez finished 3/8 with 1 TD, 1 INT and 1 Dropped INT (a stat the NFL should begin tracking) for 43 yards. Not exactly stellar numbers. For the pre-season he’s 6/12 for 131 yards with 1 TD and 1 INT. Kellen Clemens on the other hand, who has actually played in an NFL game, is 9/14 for 84 yards with the same 1TD to 1 INT. And it leaves me wondering. What is it that the Jets see in Sanchez that has earned him the job over Clemens? It certainly doesn’t seem to be anything he’s shown on the field so far. But hey, maybe Rex Ryan likes the idea of his starting QB throwing the ball to the other team’s front 7.

In Minnesota, the situation is even stranger. After stringing the Vikings along so that he could skip camp, Brett Favre signed a 2 year deal, waltzed off a plane and relegated Tavaris Jackson and Sage Rosenfels to a battle for the #2 spot. Now, Favre has earned a lot of things in his career. But this one is a bit puzzling. Has Brett Favre, whose last pass with the Packers was a game ending interception, and whose self-destruction knocked the Jets out of the playoffs last year, earned the right to skip camp, miss the first pre-season game and then be anointed the starter? Consider this. Tavaris Jackson down the stretch last year threw 9 TDs to only 2 INTs and had a QB rating over 90. Jackson went 12/15 for 202 yards and 2 TDs in the same game where Favre went 1-4 for 4 yards. Jackson appears to be getting better while Favre has clearly been on the decline. So what are we missing? Why isn’t Jackson getting a chance? Is it because the Vikings are trying to lose? This Bears fan certainly hopes so.

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

We need a new stat

Let's call it the Interest Now, Determined After Sustained Sucking (InDAss). I hosted a Cubs fan for dinner last night after not talking to him for a few months and I had to ask if he cared or if he had given up on the season. After admitting there were a few reasons to check the standings on maybe a weekly basis on the off chance there was a miracle brewing in Wrigleyville, he said its Bears season. Mets fans, including some of your faithful OSMers, have long since given up hope. We have a magic number, but maybe it's time for a tragic number.

Here's a suggested formula for the InDAss. It's a work in progress, so please don't submit this to the STATS folks until we agree on all of the variables, thank you very much. This applies to all sports, I believe, except for hockey where no team is eliminated ever. You either get a participation ribbon or the Stanley Cup at the end of the season and only Canadians care which.

Games remaining
- Games back/division (once InDAss turns into a negative number, this becomes games back in the wild card, if the sport has one)
* Wimp index (fan's tolerance for backing a team that's going through a tough swing, along the lines of a batting average)
+ Schedule effect (who do you have on your schedule? Scale of -5 to 5)
+ Precedent factor (Scale of 0 - 10 representing size of most recent turn around)
- Strength of Competition (0 - 10 scale, based on current performance and historical stretch performance of the leader)
- Delusion penalty (Sorry, Rockies fans. That's never happening again. Scale = 0 - 5)
= InDAss

So for starters, the Cubs. The Cubs as of last night's action stood at 6 games back. To the outside observer it doesn't look that bad, especially with some puff balls coming up in the schedule. Let's have a look and see if my buddy should find a paper bag and calm down.

Games remaining - 45
- Games back (6) - 31
* wimp index (Cubs fans endure a ton, but have a time earned sense of futility. -- .230) - 7.13
+ Schedule effect (as they are in danger of being swept by the Padres, who the Cubs should beat is up for debate, but objectively, they have one more vs. SD, 4 in LA vs. the slumping Dodgers, the Mets and Nats at home -- and that's just the rest of the month. September has the Bucs and more Mets to balance out sets vs. potential wild card rivals San Fran and the division leader Cardinals. Let's call it a 3.) - 10.13
+ Precedent factor (remember that great comeback story the Cubs had in the last decade? Me either -- 0) - 10.13
- Strength of Competition (The Cardinals looked like a wild card threat to start the season, but until -- I mean if, if, Cards fans -- Carpenter does back on the DL, that team is capital T tough and looking strong for the balance of the year -- 9) - 1.13
- Delusion penalty (Cubs fans know where they stand -- 0) - 1.13

= The Cubs are in danger of crossing over into Wild Card chasers, but I don't think all hope is lost in the division. A good next 15 games is important, but keep your chins up, Cub fans, at least through the weekend.

Monday, August 17, 2009

Don LaFontaine is dead... or is he????

With all the talk on the famed website originalsportsmusings.blogspot.com of the demise of Don LaFontaine, I was at peace. I had spent my time grieving for "The Voice" and I had made my peace with God. Sunsets, puppies, hot chicks... would never look the same in a world without him. I had finally admitted that trailers would never be the same, no matter how upsetting that prospect may be.

At 1:26 AM on Sunday August 16th my world... was shattered into a million pieces.

While stumbling in a drunken stupor after several hurricanes, several shots, several women sitting on Josh Fenderman's lap and not earning a dime... that's wen I saw him. Standing guard outside a souvenir shop, a rare site in New Orleans and one that "The Voice" obviously felt an obligation to leave the physical world to defend. His sacrifice is unprecedented.

When I looked back, he was gone. But for one brief, magical moment, the color was brought back to rainbows. I was no longer mad at Hootie for the "Amy Winehouse" moment. I was not able to take a picture, but due to some incredible technological advances, I was able to extract this image from my mind and re-create it in the form of a photo. I share that brief moment with you.




How do I move on from here????

I don't want the same thing to happen to originalsportsmusings.blogspot.com that happened to the Kodan Armada. They were convinced that the Last Starfighter was dead. He of course as not and used the Death Blossom to end their chances of conquering Rylos. Lets just hope that this sighting has not hurt the momentum that orgininalsportsmusings.blogspot.com has gained in conquering the online sports/entertainment/politics blogsphere.

This is clearly a sign that we need to work harder than ever to save originalsportsmusings.blogspot.com.

Thanks for your support during this difficult time.

The best 18 days of our lives

It has been 18 glorious days since the evil CLJ sentenced www.originalsportsmusings.blogspot.com to death. He's been given the ability take over and kill www.originalsportsmusings.blogspot.com since July 31. Yet, today August 17, in the year of our Lord 2009, we sit hear today - alive, well and enjoyed globally.

Now I know the questions that our millions of followers are wondering:

1) Why would anyone want to kill the potential profit juggernaut that is www.originalsportsmusings.blogspot.com?

2) Why do you think 18 days of hearing Mike Vick's old cell mates yell "dead man walking" have been glorious?

3) How can CB40 actually like Kelly Clarkson?

Well I can't give good answers to questions one and three. However, I will explain my thinking on question two.

As is our ritual, every day we've been able to wakeup, run to our PCs, Macs, iPhones, BlackBerries, or whatever is your favorite method of following www.originalsportsmusings.blogspot.com, and we've been able to continue receiving, following and developing our favorite website since Al Gore first created this wonderful Internet.

Over the past 18 days, all of you have been able to enjoy the literary masterpiece that is www.originalsportsmusings.blogspot.com. Likewise, over the past 18 days, all of us have been able to continue working at the best job we've ever had, even if we are still waiting on that first pay check. However, over the last 18 days, none of this was supposed to happen.

Just like all of you, I went to bed on July 31, 2009, expecting that was going to be the last time I ever saw www.originalsportsmusings.blogspot.com. Yet, for 18 days, to our surprise and elation, we've awaken to one more beautiful day with our beloved site. That is 18 sunrises with Art V's Mets rantings. It's 18 sunsets with the Hat's Olympian athletes search. And of course 18 moments with the swimsuit models of the day - ok, maybe there were a couple days where there were multiple moments, but none of us have gone blind yet...

Anyway, I guess what I'm saying is this is all time that none of thought we had left. I've always been told that when one cheats death, even for a short period of time, that a breeze blows crisper, the sun shines brighter, and a bird sings even more beautifully.

This is what we have all experienced together for the past 18 days. None of us know when CLJ will hit the delete key on this wonderful experiment, but what we do know is that every day we have left is a day we were never meant to have together and that makes each day glorious, in my opinion.